May 2007


The ‘Atheists at MS’ alias is planning a movie night. Some of the suggestions are “The God Who Wasn’t There” and “Happy Feet”):

…or “Jesus Camp” if you’re in the mood for a horror flick.

There’ll be more about ‘The Office’ in a later post, when I’ve stopped laughing, but in the mean time:

[Ryan and Kelly are arguing loudly, Toby can’t do any work because of this. Michael walks in.]
Michael: Toby, come on, let’s go.
Toby: Where?
Michael: Where? I’m gonna smack you in the head with a hammer. Come on, let’s go.
[Toby takes a look at Ryan and Kelly.]
Toby: Alright.

Yup, I’m afraid this is going to be yet another religion rant. YARR, a feature so common here, I should change the name of the blog to a more appropriate name, something along the lines of ‘Shun the Believer’. Or whatever. …anyhow.

Just on the heels of my last rant about a large number (unchecked statistics, BTW) of Christians who believe they will ascend the heavens sometime this year, Taty sends me this curious number. This is from PostSecret.

So, where do we start with this mental giant? Well, first of all, I’d just like to meet them and start a discussion comparing Jesus and Harry. I contend that, between these two fictional characters, Harry is definitely cooler. And he’s got more tricks up his sleeve. I mean, Harry survived some forbidden curse (I haven’t read the books), while Jesus couldn’t even handle a simple crucifixion. What a wimp.

I was going to write here that religion is a form of brainwashing, but it’s not. Not in the specific definition of brainwashing as “any systematic effort aimed at instilling certain attitudes and beliefs in a person against his will, usually beliefs in conflict with his prior beliefs and knowledge.” That’s not entirely true. While religion can be defined as brainwashing, that definition applies to instances when one particular religion replaces another. Usually that’s not the case. Religion is most often presented to people early on in life, when they are still children and can’t comprehend entirely what happens on Sundays and what’s up with that strange water. Hell, I’m 23 and I still don’t entirely understand. But that’s not the point: children aren’t being brainwashed, there’s nothing there to overwrite. They are blank slates and the parents feel fully justified in filling their heads with irrelevant, illogical, emotionally stunting and dangerous crap.

But that’s for a different blog, one where I mention the poor ticket usher at the theater where they were playing ‘The Nativity Story’. More about that later.

Seriously, I’d like to meet this person just so that I can address a few issues with their secret:

  • Are you sure this is going to be a problem? Maybe you’re not as good as you think you are, or your Church sings the hymns in the wrong order, or the rapture happens in that small period after you sneezed and before you asked to be forgiven, and you get to stay here with me. If that’s the case, wait around and read the book when it’s eventually published by the heathens.
  • Won’t the book be available in Heaven?
  • If you believe the same things as J. K. Rowling and you happen to win the cosmic lotto (1 out of the millions of variations), you’ll meet up in Heaven and she can tell you that Snape is actually a good guy. And you were worried.
  • Your eternal soul is at risk and all you can think is some dinky magic school? Your priest (or whatever) didn’t do a very good job. Come to think of it, Harry seems more important to you than Jesus, so you’re not getting into Heaven. Cheer up, you get to read about Ron finally knocking up Hermione.

Also, watch ‘School Ties’. I was just quoting a bit of it to Taty and I remembered what a great film it is. That, and ‘Family Guy’ parodies it, which I didn’t realize until I saw the movie.

That’s about it, I think. Night.

Some people have nightmares about being chased or falling or something equally exciting. I have nightmares about weddings. Specifically, I had a nightmare about being invited to Moen’s wedding and not being able to find a good present. Here’s a bullet-list of everything that is wrong with that:

  • I haven’t spoken to Moen in more than a year, where the hell did that memory come from?!
  • I don’t think he’s getting married any time soon, seeing how he’s in the Marines and will be shipping out in a few months.
  • I know I have trouble (really!) picking out gifts, but having a nightmare about the whole thing is just ridiculous!
  • My name is Pavel and… I am a bullet-list addict.