April 2008


Yesterday I found myself outside a GameStop at 11:45 PM, waiting anxiously for the latest chapter in the Grand Theft Auto saga. The guy in front of me read every preview of the game, in fact he seemed to have read every word that anyone had uttered about it, and was more than willing to share. At 11:51 I was ready to kick him for peaking my interest in just the way that I attempted to prevent. See, I didn’t bother reading any reviews at all, just a few blurbs about the game on its WikiPedia page. I knew that I would go insane if I allowed myself to get too excited about the game.

It was a long 9 minutes.

Then, at 12:03, I was running from the store to my car, game in hand. I had it! Finally, after all the waiting and the anticipation!

Three and a half hours later, after a handful of missions, one date (we went bowling and she beat me), a dozen corpses behind me, two visits to the hospital and one arrest, I knew that this was a pretty good game.

That’s a compliment, actually. All of my previous experiences with the GTA games (3, Vice City, San Andreas) have started like this: I am new to the city, don’t know the lay of the land, have no idea what is and isn’t possible, am inexperienced in practically every way… Well, you get where I’m going with this. Basically, the first time I play these games, I’m not completely blown away. That comes a few weeks later, when I just begin to grok the scope of world, the intricacies of play, the infinite possibilities.

So far so good, we’re on schedule.

Oh, I do have to say that there’s an insane amount of detail in this game. At some point I stole a white SUV, slammed it hard against a railing and saw the side windows blow out, then slammed into a pedestrian at high speed. You know what I noticed after that? There was a nice pattern of blood spatter on the hood of the car. So much detail!

At work I use a little program I wrote that inserts random signatures into my outgoing e-mail. It’s quite a nice thing and works wonderfully, though every once in a while I find myself requesting new signatures because the current one is either too long or not exactly work-friendly. Every so often, however, I decide to skip a signature just because it’s too good to be wasted on such silly things as bug-related e-mails. So, I present to you some of the signatures that, for one reason or another, didn’t quite make the cut:

A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than yours.

J. B. (John Boynton) Priestley

Watching football is like watching pornography. There’s plenty of action, and I can’t take my eyes off it, but when it’s over, I wonder why the hell I spent an afternoon doing it.

Luke Salisbury

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

Carl Sagan

This is going to be a fairly short entry, as there’s only one postcard this week that I want to comment on.

Oh, what a glorious religion Christianity is. No matter what a person does, no matter how good they are toward others or how close they themselves feel to god, they’re still terrified of hell because their parents imprinted them with this crap at an early age. Some people would say that pushing religion onto a someone so young is a form of child abuse. I agree.

To the author: try not to think about it. There’s no god, so you’re not going to hell.

If you really want to believe that god does exist, know that a benevolent god will not send a good person to hell, no matter what religion he subscribes to.

This is an assumption on my part, but I don’t suppose you think that god is evil. However, if you do believe that god is malevolent and only likes people who believe what your parents believe… Well, I don’t have much there. That god really seems like a dick. The only bright side (and it’s not bright at all) about that reasoning is that 99% of the world will join you in hell as well, so don’t feel too bad about it.

Umm, that’s probably 99.99999%. Or something. Basically, it your parents and half the people who go to your church.

It’s been so long since I’ve posted here, and much longer since I’ve written something original, that I’m kicking myself. Well, sort of. I mean, there’s gotta be a reason why I’ve basically dropped the ball on blogging and couldn’t even remember my login for WordPress, right? In a few words, I’ve been busy. After the jump, more words about what I’ve been up to. Actually, it’s something like five posts all rolled into one. Though, honestly, it’s nothing interesting or worthwhile, hence the reason for not putting the whole post on the main page.

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