Humor


Mathematician 1: I have three sons. Their ages add up to 13. [Looks around] And the product of their ages is equal to the address on that building there.

Mathematician 2: Anything else?

Mathematician 1: My oldest son has red hair.

Mathematician 2: Ah, I know their ages.

What are they?

A husband and a wife of 30 years are being interviewed and are asked how they managed to keep a family together all this time. The wife responds: “It’s all about a clear separation of labor. My husband makes the big decisions and I make the small ones. I choose what’s for dinner, what school our kids attend and what house to get. My husband decides when to declare war on China.”

This really should not have come as a surprise for me, but I was amazed at how different people can interpret the above joke to further advocate their own personal views and opinions. Meh.

The mirror test (Wikipedia article here) is a method of measuring self-awareness by verifying if an animal is able to recognize itself in a mirror. But, really, I don’t see this as anything monumental. It’s not so much testing self-awareness as testing the complexity of the physical model that the organism maintains. (What I am here calling a physical model is the conceptual model of the world we necessarily maintain in our minds. This is the model that allows you to, for instance, walk around your house without concentrating too much on your surroundings, as you know where everything should be and was, the last time your model was “updated”. Unless you have little furry creatures in your house and they are liable to run under your feet.) The mirror test seems to only gauge if the subject’s physical model is robust enough to properly map the external environment to self when faced with contradicting visual input. Nothing more.

Currently listening to Pink Floyd.

So, I think there might be a problem with my laptop’s battery meter:

battery_time

EDIT: And about 3 minutes after posting up this image, my laptop died, due to a dead battery.

Jedi humor, it never gets old.

If a cat gets it, why doesn’t the average American?

OK, seriously Russia, please replace Putin with someone who’s not batshit crazy. Or at least have him not appear in the stranger photos.

Man… I keep thinking, what with my love of classic Rock and the allure of Peace, Love, Flowers and Drugs, I was seriously born in the wrong decade.

Just three post-cards to examine today.

liam_smaller

Well, if you’re gonna believe in God, might as well believe in one who sounds like freaking Liam Neeson. Personally, I might have also tried Sean Connery, James Mason or Jeremy Irons, but yeah, it essentially has to be someone with a British-like accent. Ooh, I almost forgot: Alan Rickman.

manasgirl_smaller

OK, that’s just… fucked up. I’ve heard of lots of messed up things that happen to kids, and this mind-fuck is seriously weird. I’ve got no idea why they did this (and trust me, I’ve been contemplating theories since last night), but I’d just like to slap this guy’s parents around like two pinatas.

yourehired_smaller

A popular motif, where one of the partners is going to leave just as soon as the kids are gone, all someone cheats, or they’re ready for it economically. I wish them the best of luck, of course. Whatever it takes to be happy, right?

Currently listening to: Led Zepellin‘s “Stairway to Heaven“, “Whole Lotta Love” and “What Is And What Should Never Be” and of course Pink Floyd:

For the past few weeks I’ve been feeling really crappy and today I finally made it to the doctor’s office. Turns out I have a fairly nasty case of a condition called APD. Yeah, no clue what that is, so I asked the doctor. Turns out I’ve got a very serious Pug Deficiency. Apparently, APD stands for Acute Pug Deficiency (these doctors spend more time coming up with ironic names for serious diseases than they spend actually treating these diseases!). APD can be very serious, often leading to depression, altered mental states, liver failure (as a result of self-medication) and, in some cases, multiple system failure. APD can be life threatening.

Though, thankfully, APD is not as bad as CPD – Chronic Pug Deficiency. For these poor souls, there is no cure. According to the doctor, those suffering from CPD often have severe dog allergies or pug phobias, so the standard protocol cannot be used with them. There are substitutes, such as fat, closely-shaved cats doubling as pugs, but the protocol is still in testing and has not been FDA approved. Success rates are also much lower for this alternative.

According to the doctor, there are various possible choices at this point. The usual therapy method involves getting a pug, but this is unfeasible for me at the time: I work long hours and cannot give the pug a proper home. An alternative (as with most alternatives, success rates are obviously lower than with the primary protocol) is to find a pug-substitute. A small, cuddly dog (or cat, though once again, lower rates of success) will work, as long as it is similar in disposition to a pug. A last resort is a more radical approach, a so-called “life transplant”. This procedure involves the acquirement of a “life”. This approach works by masking the symptoms of APD, allowing the patient to temporarily “forget” that they have APD (the medical terms for this are much more complicated than “forget”, but this is essentially what happens). This protocol is both riskier and more expensive, hence its label as a “last resort”.

For the time being, I’m investigating such services as FlexPetz and finding solace in photos on IHasAHotDog.

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