There are various forms of English: British English, American English, Russlish, Spanglish, Indian English, Chinese English, bad English (‘The Fifth Element‘). I don’t doubt that there are countless more.

Usually, the variety of the different forms is refreshing and entertaining. In the cases of British, American, Russlish and Chinese, I can even see some of the reasons for the changes, which really adds to the experience. But there is one version of English that I absolutely despise and will likely never grow to like or appreciate: Blog English.

It isn’t the Queen’s English that the blog authors use, no. They have developed their own twisted, crippled and almost-incomprehensible take on the Bard’s native tongue.

Here are two (grammatically) sorry-looking blogs I stumbled upon at random:

I struggle to pinpoint the exact offenses these people have committed. Sure, it’s the use of “their” instead of “they’re” (and vice versa) and the general spelling skill-set equivalent to that of a small rodent with a big substance-abuse problem. But it’s more than that. The blogs are a faithful reproduction of the author’s speech. Typed out. So, you take someone’s verbal diarrhea, type it up, place a pretty pink border around the whole thing and call it a blog. That, ladies and gentlemen, is the blogger: a largely-incoherent, self-important, almost-illiterate ass. And someone decided it would be a good idea to give him a podium. Shudder.